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How to Discuss Your Lesbian or Bisexual Interest in a FriendSkip to ContentQuizzesSearchPRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games Arts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and GardenRelationship Quizzes Cars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and StyleSports and Fitness Computers and ElectronicsHealthPets and AnimalsTravel Education & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and ReligionWork World Family LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationshipsYouth LOG IN Log in Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. Facebook Google wikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account RANDOMHomeRandomBrowse ArticlesTrendingNewQuizzes & GamesAll QuizzesHotLove QuizzesPersonality QuizzesFun GamesDating SimulatorLearn Something NewForumsCoursesHappiness HubExplore MoreSupport wikiHowAbout wikiHowLog in / Sign upTerms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow Download Article Co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW Last Updated: June 5, 2025 Approved Download Article Gauging Her Interest|Confessing Your Feelings|Preserving the Relationship|Expert Q&A|Tips|Warnings |Show more |Show less X This article was co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist and the owner of Psychobabble Therapy based in Brooklyn, New York. With over 16 years of therapy experience, Lauren has worked with children, families, couples, and individuals, providing an anti-oppressive, identity-affirming space. Lauren is also a certified hypnotherapist at Moon & Key Hypnosis and the co-founder of Get Right Wellness Collective. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 93% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 156,291 times. We all get crushes on friends. However, if you and your friend don’t share the same sexual orientation, a crush on a friend can be tricky. When you just can’t hide your interest anymore, it’s time to take some action. Tread carefully, though. Expressing romantic interest in a friend is a delicate process.StepsPart 1Part 1 of 3:Gauging Her Interest Download Article 1Make your orientation clear. If she doesn’t know that you’re bisexual or a lesbian, there’s no way she’ll be able to guess you like her. Once she knows, she’s more likely to pick up on subtle cues that you’re interested. If you’re not out of the closet to her, you can casually say something that indicates your sexuality. You could mention an ex-girlfriend or say something like, “It feels so great to be able to be out at my new job.”Sharing your orientation with her may prompt her to say something about her sexuality, but not necessarily. If you feel comfortable, you could say something like, “Do you think you could ever try being with a woman?”2Keep your crush under control. You may be dying on the inside, but try to keep a cool outside. You’re still trying to get a feel for if she’s interested or not. If you’re too overwhelmed by your feelings, you won’t be a very good observer of hers.[1] X Research source Spend time with friends or doing activities that will take your mind off your crush.Don’t put your friend on a pedestal. Focus on the things that make her human—not an idealized version of herself.3Spend more time with her. The better you get to know her, the more you’ll be able to read her feelings. This will also give her a chance to get to know (and like!) you better.[2] X Research source Notice if she also initiates spending time together. If you’re always the one to suggest hanging out, she might not be interested.Notice the quality of your time together. Are you always in a large group? Does she seem distracted by her phone or someone else? These could be signs that she’s not feeling romantically toward you.4Look for signs of interest. People show their interest in a number of ways. Look for some classic behaviors that could indicate that she’s into you.[3] X Research source Friends aren’t usually awkward around each other. So if she’s acting shy or awkward around you, that could be a good sign.Does she text or message you just for fun? Does she remember little bits of your conversations and reference them? Does she do thoughtful little gestures for you? These are great indicators that she could have feelings for you.5Ask a mutual friend. Find someone who is trustworthy. Even if you don’t confess your crush, your mutual friend will probably get the idea. However, if you have a friend whom you know can keep a secret, ask for their advice. They might know more about your crush’s dating history or current status.You can ask your mutual friend if they know more about your crush’s sexual orientation.If you feel very comfortable, you can confess your crush and ask your mutual friend for advice. However, don’t take anyone’s advice too seriously. Always trust your own intuition.Part 2Part 2 of 3:Confessing Your Feelings Download Article 1Prepare for the worst. Confessing a crush on a friend often alters the relationship. Be honest with yourself. How will you feel if your friend feels really awkward or freaked out? Is that something you’re ready to deal with?Understand that you may lose this friendship by confessing your crush. However, that can sometimes be less painful than keeping your feelings bottled up.2Send some signals. Start with subtle signals and see if you get a response. This is a great way to let your feelings show without being too vulnerable at first. If your friend notices the messages you’re sending, she’ll likely start considering that you may have a crush on her. She’ll likely be at least flattered.[4] X Research source Eye contact is a great flirting tool. When the two of you make eye contact, hold it just a second too long and then look away. This is often read as a sign of romantic interest.Initiate casual touch. It’s best to touch someone in a way that still seems friendly—not romantic. You can touch her on the arm or shoulder when you ask her how she’s doing. Or give her a hug before you part ways. If she begins to initiate touch too, that could indicate interest.3Choose a place and time to confess your feelings. Be thoughtful when planning this. Consider that your friend might feel awkward when you tell her. She might not know how to respond. Choose a time and place where you can be alone and have time to fully discuss both of your feelings without distractions.[5] X Research source Invite her to go for a walk. Choose a place that you can both feel comfortable and enjoy.Invite her over to your house—as long as it’s easy enough for her to leave, should the conversation become uncomfortable.4Be up front. Don’t dance around your feelings, but stay collected. She doesn’t need to know how many times you’ve looked at her Instagram, or how long you’ve been pining for her. Simply let her know that you’re interested.[6] X Research source Rather than telling her exactly how you feel, you could simply ask her out on a date. Be clear that it’s a date, though. If you usually say, “let’s hang out next week,” be more explicit. Say, “I’d really like to take you on a date. Would you be open to that?”Let her know that you don’t need her to feel the same way. You can say, “So, I actually have a crush on you. I’m not sure if you could tell. But I wanted to let you know. And I totally understand that you might not feel the same way.”Give her the space to think about it on her own. You can say something like, “I know this might surprise you, but I’ve had feelings for you for a while. And I felt like I needed to say something. But please don’t feel like you need to say something right away.”Reader Poll: We asked 928 wikiHow readers who've told their friend they have a crush on them, and 55% of them agreed that their goal for doing so is to see if there’s a chance for a romantic relationship. [Take Poll] Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel—it could work out in your favor!5Allow her to respond genuinely. She might be surprised and need some time to think about it. Or she might have questions for you. If she wants to talk, be honest and keep communication flowing.[7] X Research source If she expresses interest in you, that's great! Let her know that you're happy to hear that she feels the same way.If she returns your feelings, you may want to initiate a more romantic form of touch, such as holding hands. You can also let her know that you're happy to take things slowly.If her response is hurtful to you, let her know. There are ways she can let you know she’s not interested without being cruel or insensitive.Be graceful when she responds. Let her know that you understand her position, even if it’s hard for you.Part 3Part 3 of 3:Preserving the Relationship Download Article 1Define where things stand. If she returns your feelings, you'll likely be making steps toward romance. If she doesn't, make sure you're both invested in remaining friends. Either way, communicate about where you'd like things to go from here.If you're going to become romantic, you could say something like, "If things don't work out, I hope we can still remain friends afterward."If she doesn't return your feelings, it's okay if you need to take a break from the friendship while you get over her.2Tell her the friendship is important to you. When a friend confesses a crush, we often assume they only like us because they’re interested in us sexually. Assure her that you value her as a friend and a person.You can say, “I understand that you’re not interested in me romantically, but I really hope we can keep this friendship intact. I really value having you as a friend.”3Take responsibility for the situation. Acknowledge that your feelings have clearly changed things between you. Let her know that you want to do what’s necessary to get the friendship back on track.You can say, “I understand that telling you my feelings may have made things awkward between us; but it was important for me to do. Now that I know how you feel, I really want to do what I can to get our friendship back to how it was.4Take whatever time you need. If your crush was pretty intense, you might need to take some time away from your friend. You won’t be able to stay friends with her unless you’re really over her.Be honest with her if you need some time. You can tell her that you respect her feelings, but you need some time for yours to heal.Let her know if you’d prefer for her to not contact you. You can simply say, “I think I need some time to get over you. Would you mind letting me do the reaching out for a while? I’m not sure if I’m ready to keep hanging out yet.”5Don't take it personally if she's not interested. Most likely, your friend simply isn’t interested in women, even if she thinks you’re an awesome friend. Don’t take the rejection personally.Spend time with other friends whom you feel good around. This can help boost feelings of self love.Say positive affirmations to yourself. Tell yourself that you're a great person, and that you've got a lot to offer.6Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea. The longer you dwell on this one case of rejection, the longer your heartache will be. If there’s someone else who strikes your fancy, shift your energy towards them.Experiment with online dating. You’re likely to meet other people who share your sexual orientation, and who are outside of your social circle.If you’re not ready for dating, spend time with family or friends.7Make efforts toward friendship when you’re ready. Eventually, you’ll be over your crush. You’ll likely want to reach out. Let her know that you’re excited to see her again. Ask her if she’d like to get together as friends.Try not to hold out hope that she'll have changed her mind.When you do see each other, avoid anything that could be read as flirting. Maintain good boundaries. Expert Q&A Search Add New Question Question What do you do when your friend is bisexual? Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed PsychotherapistLauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist and the owner of Psychobabble Therapy based in Brooklyn, New York. With over 16 years of therapy experience, Lauren has worked with children, families, couples, and individuals, providing an anti-oppressive, identity-affirming space. Lauren is also a certified hypnotherapist at Moon & Key Hypnosis and the co-founder of Get Right Wellness Collective. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use. Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist Expert Answer You don't have to do anything at all! Just treat them the same way you normally do. It's not like they're no longer your friend just because they're bisexual! Try to be supportive, caring, and loving if a friend is coming out to you. Unless they explicitly ask you for help or something, you don't need to do anything specific in response, though. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 9 Helpful 71 Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit TipsRemember that there’s nothing wrong with having a crush on your friend. Bisexual people and lesbians have crushes on friends just as heterosexual people do. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0 Know that your friend likes you for who you are. Don’t try to hide your true self just because you have a crush on her. Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0 Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! WarningsConfessing romantic interest in a friend can be expected to disrupt the friendship for a while, or sometimes forever. Think hard about if you’re prepared for that. Thanks Helpful 38 Not Helpful 2 You Might Also LikeHow toTell Your Girl (Friend) You Love Her As a GirlHow toEscape the Friend ZoneHow to Tell a Friend You Like Them (And See If They Like You Back)How toTell a Female Best Friend You've Developed Feelings for HerHow toDeal With a Same Sex Crush (Girls)How to Handle Feelings for Someone of the Same GenderHow toGet a Girl's Attention if You Are a GirlHow toTell Your Best Friend You Love HerTelling Your Friend You're Gay & You Have Feelings For ThemHow toAdmit That You Like Someone of the Same GenderDiscussionHelp, I have a crush on my best friend!How toDeal With Falling in Love with Your Best Friend (for Guys)How to Tell if Your Best Friend Is LGBTQ+How toAsk a Girl out if You Are a GirlReferences↑ https://www.teenissues.co.uk/copingwithacrush.html↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2015/08/21/9-signs-lesbian-or-bi-girl-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2015/08/21/9-signs-lesbian-or-bi-girl-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2015/08/21/9-signs-lesbian-or-bi-girl-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite↑ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/10/crush-feel-relevant-information-compliment-fancying↑ https://hellogiggles.com/6-non-creepy-ways-let-someone-know-like/↑ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/10/crush-feel-relevant-information-compliment-fancying About This Article Co-authored by: Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist This article was co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist and the owner of Psychobabble Therapy based in Brooklyn, New York. With over 16 years of therapy experience, Lauren has worked with children, families, couples, and individuals, providing an anti-oppressive, identity-affirming space. Lauren is also a certified hypnotherapist at Moon & Key Hypnosis and the co-founder of Get Right Wellness Collective. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use. This article has been viewed 156,291 times. 38 votes - 93% Co-authors: 41 Updated: June 5, 2025 Views: 156,291 Categories: LGBT In other languagesIndonesianJapanese PrintSend fan mail to authors Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 156,291 times. Reader Success Stories K. F. Jul 17, 2016 "This article helped me realize that having feelings for a friend is natural, be it a girl or a boy, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your feelings towards them. I also believe this will help many people young and old act upon their feelings the right way."..." more More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story Did this article help you? Yes No Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist Co-authors: 41 Updated: June 5, 2025 Views: 156,291 93% of readers found this article helpful. 38 votes - 93% Click a star to add your vote K. F. Jul 17, 2016 "This article helped me realize that having feelings for a friend is natural, be it a girl or a boy, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your feelings towards them. I also believe this will help many people young and old act upon their feelings the right way."..." more Miya Feb 13, 2021 "I have a huge crush on my lesbian friend. I am bisexual and I don't know if I should tell her or not. We are the same age and this week I am going to tell her I am bisexual and maybe she'll make a move."..." more Emily V Sep 12, 2020 "It made me realize I actually did have a crush on my friend who is bisexual. I am also bisexual, which kinda made me attracted to her."..." more Jocelyn Beasley Jun 6, 2016 "I loved the article because it had helped me get the nerve to confront my feelings towards one of my best friends. Thank you so much!"..." more Anonymous Dec 2, 2023 "Yeah, so I have anxiety issues with confessing, and I have a crush on my best friend, so this really helped me." Share yours! 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